I once made a joke to a friend that I could stare at brick wall for hours just thinking about who built the wall. What happened for this wall to go up? Where was the clay from that was used in the bricks? Who went into the mountains or near some beach to get this red clay? Who transported it here to be made into bricks? Who brought the bricks and the cement? What do the lives of all the people involved in this wall look like? What other structures have their hands touched? Where is this soil from? What was this soil a part of before it was inside these bricks?
Everything we see is constructed. Even people. People perplex me the most. We are such complicated webs, saturated with feeling, emotion, calculation, ration, impulse, carnal instinct. It's a lot to balance. And, surely, most of us do not balance it well.
It seems as if I keep attracting the same kinds of people, and I truly wonder what it says about me as a person. I fear that I am too easy to deceive. Or am I so weary of deception that I create the illusion of deception itself? I don't know. I can't tell what's genuine and real from what is constructed and deceptive. I cannot tell because so many people fluctuate between the two.
I like to think that everything I do is with positive, genuine intent. But there will always people and situations that will expose the errors of your own ways. My father recently said to me; ''even when you're right, you're wrong." That is to say that even if you are so confident, so sure that you are right, there are always things you are not aware of. None of us truly know each other. None of us truly know ourselves.
